The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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