tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
