Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
