I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
