i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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