Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's blow job season.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
