She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
