He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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