Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
