Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
