i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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