just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
