Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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