I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need water and some morals
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
