my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
