Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
