Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
