Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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