I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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