the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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