so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't turn off my feet"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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