It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
