Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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