Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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