who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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