K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
