I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
