A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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