So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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