I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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