And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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