Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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