I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
