If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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