I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
