Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize