i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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