That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
