Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
