i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
