We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
