So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
