im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I checked into jail on foursquare
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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