Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
