remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
