dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
