Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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