U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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