he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
