oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
