She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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