We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
