He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
