I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
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There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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