walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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