ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
