He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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