but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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