i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
