The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
