Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
