You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
