just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
