Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
