idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
