When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
