Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My ATM looks so different sober.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
