naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Terrible idea I love it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
