I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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