he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize