we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
