guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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