I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
