Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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