I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
