For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you inspire me to be a worse person
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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