i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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