im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
