Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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