ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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