you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
